2015 in Review

Tiptoeing into the second half of the last day of the year. What a year!

In my head, 2015 was another year of making the creative tradeoff between crafting and writing/reading, with writing winning out. However, it turns out I made 52 items in 2015. Holy crap, right? Especially since so little of that was documented on this blog; you'd be forgiven for thinking my sewing machine and knitting needles spent the year gathering dust, apparently this is what my brain thinks, too, despite evidence to the contrary.

Granted, that number includes items like panties (9) and leggings (4), but it also includes things like quilts (4) and handknit sweaters (4 - of which 2 were knit on size 3 needles!!) It also, unusually for me, includes a decent amount of unselfish crafting, including scarves (3), hats (1), hand warmers (1), handknit socks (1 pair), swaddling blankets (2), and 2 of the aforementioned quilts, as well as boring, functional stuff like curtains (a pair for me, a pair for a friend). I also seem to be doing a lot more functional crafting in general, stuff like tap pants (more needed!) and Watson bras (hate bra shopping!) and lounge pants. In fact, I rather miss my whimsical crafting days. I know we've talked at length about the merits of frosting vs. cake, but damnit, sometimes the frosting is just so much fun! Also, all my frosting seems to come out in summer in the form of frothy, impractical dresses (doubly impractical because Portland summers are so short) - which seems to give short shrift to the other nine months of the year, where practicality reigns. Mix-and-matchable garments in solids or near-solids somehow just isn't as fun as frippery and floatiness, it seems.

 

I commented awhile ago to Ali (with whom I like to swap bra FO photos via text message, which, if you haven't yet done so, is really one of the best kinds of texts to get - in vitro photos of course) that my writing/reading tends to go in small bursts, and I can always feel when I've reached the end of a burst when I start to get the urge to make something with my hands. It seems I find the tactile nature of crafting a nice creative rejuvenation for my mind. "Filling the creative well," as Julia Cameroon (or was it Twyla Tharpe?) might say. And then at some point, either my patience wears thin or my mind starts bubbling forth with new ideas, and I return to the writing and reading. Often I find I need to ease myself back into reading with something Decadently Unserious and frothy (hm, perhaps noticing a theme here with my crafting as well!) This year, I've read a great YA mystery series about female teenage sleuths in Victorian England, a brickload of mysteries in general, and am currently on a Middle Grade series about a 15 year old nanny governessing children raised by wolves. Yes to all of the above.

Which is not to say that 2015 wasn't a banner year for writing. This year I churned out a second draft of my book (bringing the total # of drafts up to 3), realized midway through the year that the book and I were at an impasse, whereby I placed it in the proverbial drawer and spent the summer being bitter and mournful about that. Ultimately, though, I think to what my best friend John says: If it's not the right time to write the book, trying to force it now may mean shortcutting from what the story was ultimately meant to become. Sometimes the problem is in the psychology of the writer, and I finally had to accept that I would need to grow into a new person in order to write the book I wanted to write. Which is frustrating and a wee bit heartbreaking (you know how impatient youth can be!), but ultimately, it's amazing what else you can let into your life once you let go of something that isn't working.

A statement that applies to both writing and life. At the start of this year, I quit a job that was in the same professional sphere that I've occupied for 5 years (and loosely, for another 4 years before that) so that I could create the temporal and mental space for writing. It's been a crazy, uncertain, and bumpy ride - and continues to be so, as I work out a mix of part-time activities that let me pay my bills sufficiently while still leaving enough juice for writing. It's been simultaneously easier and harder than I thought it would be. They say starting your own business takes twice as long and costs twice as much as you imagine, and I can definitively say, as a self-employed person: absolutely! But at the same time, for the first time in my life, I feel really centered and sure about the decisions I've made, and motivated as I've never been before to make this lifestyle work for me. I feared the uncertainty and instability of such a move, not realizing that the emotional certainty and clarity it would bring would create the energy to tackle the rest (due to no longer having to fight against myself so much). And as my old Japanese roommate used to say, slowly slowly. Twice as long and twice as much, right?

This fall, I enrolled in a 1-year writing program at a local non-profit that really embraces the DIY spirit. Our final project will be to produce a self-published book or zine of some sort. It's me and 8 other students with our fantastically supportive instructor, and I really feel like I've grown tremendously on this journey with them. Each piece I wrote and workshopped with them (1 short fiction, 2 creative nonfiction) has been a stretch that totally surprised me with what I was capable of, not just in terms of the technical aspects of writing, but also in terms of the psychological, emotional aspects. As though by letting go of the form of the book, I was able to begin tackling the content that eluded me for so long.

So that was 2015 for me, in a nutshell. When I talk to people, I constantly hear that 2015 was a weird, hard, bad year and that they're ready for it to be over. World and national events aside, I guess one way of looking at my 2015 would be to concur with the above statement. Certainly, I've probably never looked less "on track" than I do right now. And yet one of the unexpected side effects of quitting my job and jumping into the writing pool, for me anyways, is that I'm slowly coming to (imperfectly!) learn to embrace the uncertainty and impermanence of every part of daily life. Nothing will be here forever, and all cylinders of my life will never fire simultaneously. What I'm left with is a daily attempt to appreciate what I do have, to accept it for what it is instead of hating it for what it isn't, and to know that, no matter how good or how bad, it won't be here to stay. Live in the moment, love in the moment, feel the sun shining and be grateful for its presence, see the blue sky and be grateful to still have one's eyesight. And really, this privilege to be able to build my life around writing, at least for now, instead of shoving writing into the cracks of daily life? This incredible luxury to have sewn or knitted 52 items this year?

Wow. Thank you, life. Thank you, world. May I have the courage, serenity, and wisdom to face whatever 2016 brings. And may you too, dear friends. Happy 2016!

Recently

Hello hello!  Spring is officially here, Portland flirts with sunny days betwixt sprinkles and showers, and life marches happily forward in this little corner of the universe.  Returned from an East Coast work/pleasure trip last night, and was struck by the remarkable change my life has undergone in the past year.  The changes I've sought out in the past year.

Meanwhile, I tiptoe towards the holy grail of sewing - for me, that's pants - by completing the runner up in that category of intimidating makes (at least for me).  Coats.  This one took me 3 months; I took it slow, it was my first foray back into sewing since moving, and I was feeling no rush.  A learning project for sure!  But I adore wearing it.  There really IS something to be said for making the cakiest of sewing cake, those utilitarian garments one wears constantly.

And how basic is a navy wool peacoat?  Swoon.  I had a brain fart and cut it with the nap going sideways, and the camel hair in my blend is thus already starting to pill, but honestly, I'm still pretty darn happy with this make.  I'd love to use the pattern again (V2873, OOP) perhaps in corduroy with contrast plaid lapels?  Because I am obnoxious like that :).  Hideous or fabulous, baby!  I've also got my eye on the Minoru.

But first, pants, because I've only got 2 pairs of jeans - one that's half a size too small and requires some minutes of wriggling dancing, post-wash, before I can comfortably sit in them, and one that's been darned in several places and needs several more patches.  Thurlows, I'm looking to you!

As you can see, I've also been knitting, rather unexpectedly, to a theme.

At a Baltimore museum with one of my best friends.  This place has the awesomest sense of color!  The exhibits were so much fun.  There was one that kept John and me laughing for a good 5 minutes, starting with the reindeer coming out of toilets, and right on through the nutcrackers with aliens emerging out of one side of the body.  The Nightmare Before Christmas on LSD.  Really, Baltimore gets such a bad rap, kind of like Oakland.  I personally have always loved my visits there.  A quirky, laidback city with down to earth folks.

Saying goodbye to another of my best friends from grad school.  Kristy's headed back to Taiwan, and Wei Jie is probably returning to Singapore ("Sing" as she calls it) next year.  Asia trip 2015 is all I can say!  Once I dry my tears, that is.

Oh, and I finally unearthed this quilt top that I started when I was 16, and finished piecing it, then sandwiched it and have begun hand quilting.  Wool batting, mmm, perfect for PDX winters.  So squishy and lofty and soft and warm.  Had been slightly tempted to leave it until I turned 32, as I could then call it the quilt that took half my life, but at the rate I've been going, it might not get done until then all the same!  Haha.  Besides which, I've really been digging the blue side of the spectrum for the past year or so, which, as you can see, were perennial favorites in early life, as well.  A return to my roots.  Which is really how I feel.  So much more like myself.  So it seemed fitting.

And how's writing?  Well, good!  Thank you for asking!  Right before my trip, I whisked myself away to a cottage situated on a 230 acre nature preserve, to read through my book draft in 1 go.  Between you and me, internets, I got about 60% in and then my brain rebelled, so I hope there was nothing important in those last 40K words!  LOL.

But it's good.  It gave me the chance to evaluate What are you, book, and what do you want to be?  And I think that I am finally, maybe, starting to see the contours of this story.

It usually takes me about 3 drafts to know what my story is about, another 2 to get all the pieces roughly in place, and then another 2 to refine and polish and fix things up.  Assuming no drastic changes, of course.  Most people raise their eyebrows when they hear this, and you can just see them thinking, though they are too polite to say it, Why, woman, would you put yourself through that???  Because it's a bit like what I imagine motherhood to be like - watching characters (or ideas) begin to define themselves, emerge, and blossom, in ways you both anticipate and cannot imagine.  But then you also have a hand in the process, in the artistry of the form of the story, even if the substance is not entirely in your hands.

And the beauty of writing memoir is that it asks you to revisit and reunderstand seminal moments in your past.  Which, given the deep bout of reflection and soul searching I've done in the past year, has really grounded me in myself.  The timing has been perfect.  Or perhaps this book has been a catalyst of sorts?  Likely these have been intertwined, cause and effect muddied.  Regardless, the result has been so, so worthwhile.

May you experience a beautiful spring!

2 FOs; Ali sighting; Treat Yourself

First finished sweater (and handknit) of the new year:

 

Fiber #58 :: Andi
Pattern: Chuck
Yarn: Cascade 220, a shade my mom calls "more brown than yellow" in response to the "Asians shouldn't wear yellow!" that I keep throwing around.  I need more mustard in my life like I need more handknits, but hey, it's a gorgeous pattern and I love it.  (Color on the right is more true to life)
Mods: added an extra cable twist, lengthened pattern to hit at high hip, used 2*2 ribbing instead.

I took a hard look at my handknit sweaters and realized the ones I wear most often are long sleeved, unfussy pullovers, and in colors that match everything else in my wardrobe.  So I decided those were the types of sweaters I'd knit more of.

And a skirt to go with it.

Pattern: Simplicity 2451, again
Fabric: Liberty twill Mirabelle, plus leftover red piping
Mods: shortened at hip and skimmed some of the curve out of the hipline, added a Rayon bemberg lining.  This skirt was meant to be piped!

Also, for those of you dying for your Ali fix, rest assured, she's still alive and kicking.  Late in 2012 I asked if she would be willing to do a swap, a handknit hat in exchange for a couple Renfrews.  I think I came out ahead, check out the stripey beauty she made me!  (Erg, the hat is awaiting a second skein, via Ravelry, to be completed).  Ali and I wear roughly the same size, and sometimes when we grow out of enamorment with our own handmades, we'll do a swap.  We had a stripey exchange, one might say!

Over the holidays, my brother and I took a quick jaunt up to Portland for a couple days.  The city is on both of our "maybe, someday" lists and we thought it would be fun to treat ourselves to a bit of a relaxation.  We found a place to stay through Air BnB - which I highly recommend - and opted to use Portland's public transportation the entire trip - which I do not recommend, not in winter, at least.  There was a lot of waiting for buses in the rain.  However, if I had to do a lot of waiting for buses in the cold, cold rain, there is nobody I'd rather do it with!

We napped.  We cooked.  We spent a lot of time in cafes.  I knit and read and wrote and dreamed and journaled and people watched.  We stared off into space.  We took a ridiculous number of "use iPhone to take pictures of self" photographs that we then had way too much fun hipster-izing with Michael's phone's editing tools.

Michael really likes the show It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia, and during the trip he told me about one episode where the characters decide to treat themselves for the entire day.  I haven't seen the episode, but apparently it involves people running around in Batman costumes, increasingly ludicrous scenarios (as seems to be the show's mantra), and a whole lotta "TREAT YOURSELF."  So, that was the motto of our trip, too.

Jessica (in fabric store): Hm, that's kind of a lot of fabric.
Michael: Jessica?  TREAT YOURSELF.
Michael (reaches into wallet): Here, I'll treat you to this one.  *Hands me bill, pats topmost bolt.*

Michael: Fake Moleskine?  Real Moleskine?  I came here to buy the fake one.
Jessica: TREAT YOURSELF.

Jessica: Should I get that flourless chocolate cookie the size of my head?
Jessica: You know what, I should really TREAT MYSELF.

So ... I treated myself this holiday season.

Some Liberty and Sewaholic patterns.  Will 2013 be the year I finally tackle pants?

Some Cake and organic jersey.  Trying not to go too crazy in the knits department, but it's so tempting ...

A yummy new pattern, and some stash yarn.  My latest attempt to control the yarn stash is this rule: for every project I take on with new yarn, I have to complete a project using stash yarn.  Now, some of the stash projects are hats, which is not as stash busting as, say, a sweater, but I will take all the help I can get.  Perhaps I should extend this rule to fabric, too.  Anyways, I used my Christmas money to splurge.  Usually I use my Christmas money to buy boring things like groceries and pay for electricity and such, but this year I figured, it's been a long year honey.  TREAT YOURSELF.

Since this is not exactly a sustainable trend (Christmas money comes but once a year!), I started thinking about the small ways I like to treat myself.  I find it hard to walk that line between frugality and, well, misery.  Sometimes I feel guilty that I am indulging too often in 'simple' pleasures of the non-free variety, but other times I remind myself that it's important to be nice to yourself.  Maybe it's just a question of degree.  Anyways, here are some of my little indulgences.  I figure it's never a bad thing to have a list like this to turn back to from time to time.

Naps. Better still, two in one day!

A skein or two of tasty yarn.

Fresh berries in summer. A basket of fresh figs in fall. Heavenly!

Sunday afternoon meals that take 2-3 hours to prepare. Even better is when I clear my plate for the evening as well, so that I'm not rushing around but can linger in the kitchen.

Decaf lattes. Don't laugh, I know that defeats the purpose of the espresso in the latte! I can't do caffeine, but every once in awhile I will hop into a coffee shop and ask for a decaf. It always makes me feel ridiculously indulgent to do this, probably because I take the opportunity to linger in the cafe, do some people watching, or pull out some knitting, my journal, or a book. Ah, unstructured personal time, what bliss.

Filling a large glass half full with ice, topping it off with a fizzy drink, squeezing in half a lemon, and climbing into the tub for a good soak.

What about you?  What are your small indulgences?  I figure it never hurts to have more ideas for this type of thing!

Belatedly ... (and a poem)

Check out this afghan that my friend's mom made her!  Isn't it cool?

I love how she connected the squares.  I never would've thought to do it in this way.  She says her mom knit them up at random and then improvised the rest.  Wow!  I aspire to reach that same level of crafty coolness one day.


OK.  I am totally, totally embarrassed by this.  But I may as well 'fess up.  Ages ago - really, it's been months, I hang my head in shame - not one but two lovely ladies passed on blog awards to me, and I, in my infinite inability to handle my life at the time, was not able to express my thanks to them for their kind nominations. 

-.-;;

If you are wondering, that is somebody looking remarkably discomfited as beads of sweat trickle down their forehead.

Asianified emoticons aside, I apologize Cecili and Andi!!!  Two lovely, talented ladies.  Since it's been embarrassingly long, I think I will cop out of passing the awards on further but instead nod to Sigrid's thrown gauntlet (mixin' up my metaphors here) and leave you with a poem.


I Am From

I am from plastic washbasins full of loquats, plucked from Grandpa’s trees on arid summer afternoons, such a smooth flavor that slipped easily over my tongue.


I am from family vacations to Hawaii spent shooting the moon and falling one heart short.

I am from two knitting grandmas – one who started the lesson, the other who finished it 6 years later.

I am from fresh avocado sliced onto toast.

I am from Super Lemons and Red Hots and Gobstoppers and wasabi peas.

I am from sleepover clubs with midnight snacks (ice cream sundaes), drive through movies, Truth or Dare, MTV, reading books on the drive home, scary movies, and Oujie boards.

I am from Anne of Green Gables, the Wizard of Oz and all his friends, Harry Potter, and the Little House series.

I am from playing dress-up in Mom’s slips, and running down in them while company was over, and not understanding the mortification behind Mom’s rebuke until years and years later.

I am from the bilingual education that none of the professorial experts on early language acquisition thought was possible (in the 1980s). I am from summer vacation homework, the Chinese science and Chinese math and Chinese history courses that were introduced and nixed and introduced again, from Chinese movies and soap operas and music consumed in the name of “learning Chinese,” from the controversy over whether to teach my brother to write his name in Simplified or Traditional because it was too many strokes for such a small boy to remember.

I am from Aunt Edna (the lifesize doll for whom we sewed organs, why, what you were learning in 3rd grade?), from bulletin boards covered with paper plate decorations because that’s all we could afford, from volleyball practices in the parking lot with a makeshift net, from recess up on the “blacktop” which was a 100+ step climb from our school, from school grounds rented from the Army on the Presidio for $1 a year due to the connections of our Board President.

I am from A League of Their Own, X-Men and Captain Planet, and later in high school, from episodes of Friends stealthily glimpsed during my parent’s walks around the block.

I am from the nicest (socially) high school experience imaginable, from friends who would get to campus half an hour early because that’s how they rolled, from biking very slightly uphill in the mornings and coasting downhill after cross country and badminton practice, from boba runs to Verde and Fantasia.

I am from leftovers and frozen pesto and Costco pizza Fridays.

I am from parents who flew to Boston and Beijing to help me get over my homesickness.

I am from the brother who, to this day, remains my closest friend.

I am from fairies and magic and secret worlds.

Fiber #44 :: Longevity

To reemphasize that I like to make doubles, especially in purple ...

Just like my Selbu, but in a variegated yarn. I think this pattern suits itself beautifully to variegated yarn! It was so beautiful and addictive to knit, Koigu produces absolutely fabulous colors and this one has the most stunning purples, blues, indigos and pinks all twisted together. That there is my crafting buddy Rita. Isn't she gorgeous? We've known each other since college, and our friendship has evolved through Chinese dance, crafting, and general DIY-ness. The woman cut my hair a couple days ago, for crying out loud! Stupendous she is. That's why this hat is named "Longevity" - for our friendship - though I also toyed with the idea of "Evolution." But maybe I'm hoping it'll be good luck for another decade if friendship (at least) to come.

Thanks Rita! Love ya!

Thank you, thoughts, and unglamorous crafting

First off, thank you everyone for your comments on my last post! Especially those of you who chimed in and said that you've experienced something similar. Because we all know our own perspective the best, I sometimes wonder whether these "truth"s that I uncover for myself are ones that are universal, or merely unique to myself. I would like to believe that there is something universally regenerative and fulfilling about creativity, crafting, meditative activities, physical activity, and that they are all connected, and judging from your comments I think this could be the case.

Of course, it could also be that those people who find joy in crafting may be more likely to find joy in cooking or walking, for example, so that these connections are only true for a subset of the general population (that's the epidemiologist in me speaking!) I'd like to believe that every person on this planet can find peace and fulfillment in some activity or another (and, my bias showing through, hopefully not just through the television!). Whether or not that involves creative and meditative activities, still trying to find those answers.

Also, I just want to say "thank you" to gypsybiscuit for delurking and leaving such a kind comment. It's really a privilage to know that people continue to stop by this blog, especially since it has evolved through the years and thus may have evolved away from what initially brought you here. The generosity of spirit that you stay because you like the person behind the blog and not just the crafts they crank out or the politically charged words that they write, that to me makes you the best readers in the world!

On to some unglamorous crafting ...


I recently joined a film cooperative and have been helping out on a couple short film projects, working on set design and coordinating wardrobes. Above is a tee that I stenciled. "Custom tee shirts? No problem, I can make you that!" followed by a mad scramble to deliver. It's actually been a ton of fun, I'm learning so much about films, and 'tis often a pretty good group of people working together on set. I love projects and working with people on creative pursuits, so this has been perfect. Although I have to say, when I was thinking of doing wardrobes I initially thought more like, period pieces, dresses from the 50s or Downton Abbey etc., and not "uh ... trying to figure out how to dress 12 guys so they all look distinctive." I'm sorry, what do men usually wear? (Thanks to Rita and Ali and my brother Michael and my friend Rudy for input + help!)


Here is a shirt I bought from an Etsy seller which was so, so cute in the photos, but unfortunately the way the inverted box pleat was positioned (left photo), I felt like it screamed "hello, did you know I have breasts?" So I unpicked the stitching to open up the pleat, resewed the button, and 3 minutes later have this fabulously girly blouse that I will actually wear. It's a beautiful blouse and wonderfully made, so I look forward to continuing to support this artist.


My Irelande sweater. I made the original to pattern but found it too short (why did I think the Cascade 220 was going to grow after blocking? It's never grown on me before). Kept having to yank it down so I didn't wear it all too often. So I grabbed the leftover yarn and added 1" of seed stitch at the hem. Perfect! So tempted to do the same at the cuffs as they are a tad short, but that would mean buying another skein of yarn just to use 25 yards. We'll see. It's workable as is.

And top photo, swapped out some boring buttons on a coat for sparklier, more vintage-feeling ones from Joann's. If I get crazy I'll shorten the sleeves to petite length, add a buckle to the belt tie to make it a proper belt, and unpick the hem to add horsehair braid to give it more of an A-line flare. Maybe not though.

Finally, more colorwork scheming is in the works. I'd love to make a vest. This would involve steeks. I am living dangerously and going patternless, using a colorwork chart improvised off a sweater on Ravelry (I know, it's so shameful but it means buying an entire Interweave magazine and paying for shipping, plus I wouldn't actually be using the pattern as it is a full-sweater fair isle sized for a gent. Seeing my fascination with fair isle, I'll likely buy a pattern directly from the designer at a future date. I'm not sure she even gets any royalties off this design anymore since its from awhile back.) Now why do I think I'll be able to figure out shaping, design, and how to do steeks on my very own???

Trying to figure out how to pattern the colors. I keep flip flopping over which combination I like best, except I've tried out the mustard-on-tan represented by the second from left and that's just not going to work. What do you think? Which would you go with?

Postcards from the East Coast

Thank you all for the cardigan refashion love!!! As much as I love making things myself, it's always nice hearing that I'm not the only one crazy about crazily embellished cardigans =). I leave you with some photos from my recent trip to the East Coast. It was such a lovely week, full of good food, good people, and a good break away from life! Like a mini retreat. Such a treat, to be able to fly 5 hours and see some of my favorite people and sights!

New York:





And Boston:

10.02.2011

Is it possible not to love these ladies?


Congratulations, JS! Beautiful wedding, beautiful bride. Beautiful friendships, too. It's been ten years since graduation and yet here most of us are, ready to protect one another and take on the world.

Beautiful weekend.

Comings and Goings

Lest you think it's been all gloom and doom around here, some fun happenings from the past two months.

Every 5 years or so, Kat and I bully our group of high school friends into dressing up in matching clothing and taking photographs. Last time we did denim with a white blouse, this time it was black and white.

Stripes and colors spotted while out and about ...

Celebrated my grandma's 88th birthday. Luckily, my family knows how to ham it up for the camera.


Notice the family resemblance?

My brother came over to visit my place in Rockridge. Here he is cooking for me:


A friend from high school is getting married. !!! For her bridal shower, we had a nice tea party. The gifts were a little less prim.

Brunch with a coworker. We'd intended to do yoga in a biodynamic farm in the heart of SF, but when we got there it turns out we were off by a day so we hit up brunch, macaroons, and some bridal shower shopping in the Castro District instead.

Music and Tarot

Last week was beautiful. Monday night I met some friends at Grace Cathedral Church to listen to a Christmas music performance by their choir. None of us are religious, so we were just there to enjoy the music and the atmosphere. I love how, with good friends, you can just pick up again as though it wasn’t two or three years since the last time you saw one another.

Earlier that day, as I walked to work I noticed a sign advertising “Tarot Readings.” Funny how you can pass by a building a hundred times without noticing it. Seeing it reminded me of the friend of a friend – apparently, she performs a daily tarot reading, not so much for divination purposes as for the purpose of creating a meditative, ritualized time each day to check in with herself, to stay grounded. It’s almost a spiritual moment for her, my friend says. And yesterday morning when I looked up and saw that “Tarot Readings” sign, my mind immediately jumped to that thought.

About five years ago, my dad made the passing comment that meditation would probably help me manage my insomnia. You should really try it out, he advised. You’re probably right, I agreed, but it just doesn’t feel like the right time in life for meditation. Recently, I’ve been hearing whisperings – from within, from the universe, from the subconscious, from wherever it is these promptings emerge from and then are heard – that 2011 may be the year to tackle spirituality. I’m not a religious person and was not raised in any defined religion, so what I think of as “spirituality” probably falls closer to creating a quiet space in my daily life, a space to listen to myself and listen to the universe, a temporal, physical, or mental place for reflection, meditation, or introspection.

It’s really easy for me to get caught up in the small things – this idea wasn’t well received, that girl at work doesn’t like me – and I frequently lose sight of the bigger picture. I think my quest for “spirituality” is a search for a way to let go of the small anxieties and dramas before they invade my entire consciousness like a cancer. Now that I’m working again, I feel like I need constant reminders of the bigger picture – what’s going on in the world besides my own small problems, perspective on my place in this world – a way to focus on all that I do have, instead of what I do not. I guess I think of this spiritual quest as a gentle reminder to hold fast to those pipe dreams, to live life as the best possible version of myself, to laugh more, give more, forgive more, play more, create more, explore more, celebrate more.

So as I was sitting among friends and in the midst of all this beautiful music, I decided to try it out. An ex-boyfriend of mine used to close his eyes when he ate so as to better concentrate on the flavors in his mouth, and, remembering him, I, too, closed my eyes through this performance, letting their harmonies ricochet off the walls and flow over my consciousness. Instead of meditating on emptiness, I meditated on the music. While I did that, I held onto the successive images of the people I am grateful to know, eventually just focusing on the music itself.

I’ve had a spotty track record with New Year’s resolutions in the past, and this year my friend has suggested a series of “goals” instead of “resolutions.” Goals like “attend a meditation retreat,” or “plant a garden” (there’s nothing as meditative as digging your hands into soil!). I’m not exactly sure where any of this is headed, but my friend just lent me a pack of tarot cards, and I’ve been thinking of trying out some meditation on the train ride home, maybe to jazz or classical music or such. We’ll see. I do know this. Inspiration, hope, joy, beauty, and serenity all lead me to live life as the best possible version of myself, and right now, the thought of creating some space in my life for rituals that promote my particular brand of spirituality, are filling me with those very qualities.

To 2011.

'Twas the 19th of December, and all through the house

The holidays!!! Every year we decorate Thanksgiving weekend, and we're a family that likes to go all out in the decorations (if you're curious, there's more of that sparkly stuff circling the base of the television, for example). Unfortunately I'm working both Christmas Eve and New Year's Eve so it's not like I have more time for jolly-making this holiday season ... but my brother is coming home!!! So I'm super excited and determined to reserve some quality time with him one of these evenings. I think we're going to talk about, among other things, the rigors of med school (of which I know nothing), and that television series of his that he wants me to write (the one he anticipates will run, oh, a casual 6 or 7 seasons ... I think we need a new rule for this collaboration, and it is: Michael, I need you to take at least one writing class!)


Wow, there's nobody like my brother to get me off track. Anyways, back to the decorations. If you thought I had a lot of sweaters and skirts, then I'll need you to take a moment to check out our tree. Clearly, a tendency towards collecting, especially things that are 1) cute, 2) quirky, and 3) unusual, runs in the family. But, as you can imagine, it makes for a fabulous time with the holiday decorations! (and for Exhibit B in the collecting category, please refer back to the photo at the top of this post for that nutcracker collection)


If you were beginning to fret that we lacked for handmade in the decorations category, worry no more. Check out, for example, that fantastic beaded loop at the bottom left of the above photograph. That's a classy little number, isn't it? Now just imagine its brother, made of packing peanuts artfully colored every hue of the rainbow, strung up on yarn ... and then imagine that you are the mother who is receiving not one but two such lovelies because they are earrings, to be carefully looped, one over each ear! And imagine your daughter begging you to wear your lovely birthday gifts, and that you go so far as to parade them out to the grocery store, at which point the clerk takes one look at you and says, "Oh myyyyyyyyy" and you just smile. Really, you'd be about the best mother in the world.


This one always tugs at my heart, that bell. My brother crocheted that one, and I always marvel at how he was able to get the darned thing to curve. That's a pretty special one, especially since he's since retired his hook.


Anyways, not sure if I'll make it back to this space before 2011, so I just wanted to wish everybody the happiest end to 2010! This little blog has grown so much this past year, it's truly humbling and fills me with gratitude, although the best part has been getting to meet so many excellent people and to be able to participate in this great growth of creativity and inspiration that is the online crafting community ... well, really, anybody who has any affinity for beauty, for handmade, for art, for joy and serenity and empathy, and of course for food. You all rock. 1000000 times over.